Immortality tea. Expires 31/05/2017

When my ‘bag for life’ died last year, I had to laugh.

Now I have found another little irony that made me chortle. Attracting a few sideways glances from worried bystanders.

“He’s laughing again, should we be worried?” Concerned of Colliers Wood.

My new health-kick has had me searching around for a new beverage. I settled on green tea and red tea at first, shunning my calorie-rich lattes for something lighter, more nutritious and packed full of polyphenols.

Then I decided to see if there were anymore teas ‘out there’ that were healthy and tasty – green tea can be a bit bitter especially when you give up on sugar and articial sweeteners which are pure, metabolic poison.

My searches revealed something called gynostemma tea or jiaogulan. Some people call it the ‘immortality tea’ because it is so gosh-darned good for you.

Amongst its list of benefits, it is said to promote weight loss, reduce blood pressure, reduce blood sugar, clean out your toxins, soothe away modern day stresses and put your body back in balance.

The sceptic in me said ‘yeah right’. But ever the one to try something new, or old in this case, I gave it a bash.

The first night I drank a cup I wasn’t amazed. I wasn’t anything. I fell asleep within five minutes of my head hitting the pillow.

I awoke wondering what had happened. My usual bedtime self-analysis and mental self-critical routine had gone. I slept. Soundly.

I tried a cup of the stuff for breakfast and rather than my usual mad panic to get started I felt so much more relaxed.

Since then I’ve been drinking it for breakfast and before bed. I’ve even sent a batch up to my dad in Barnsley, if anyone needs to relax and get a bit of balance its the man who can barely stand on his own two feet anymore.

Same thing. He had a cup before bedtime and had the most restful night’s sleep in a long time. He even sounded human on the phone the next day. Anyone who knows my father knows what an achievement that is.

The only thing is that this immortality tea comes with an expiry date. I’m good until 31/05/2017 but after that, all bets are off.



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