Recently, I’ve been watching the Walking Dead on my Kindle Fire mainly because I love the ‘x-ray’ function. Tap the side and all manner of trivia springs up to inform and delight.
Another great thing about it is, if you hear a music track you like, tap the side and it tells you the artist and the title. It’s brilliant. It’s like having a genius sitting next to you.
The problem with this genius is that the bastard knows too much. So, you’re always in danger of finding out something that destroys the ‘suspension of reality’ that the story demands.
(If, like me, you love the Walking Dead stop reading now. )
As I watched, this x-ray function casually informed me that petrol goes ‘off’. It loses its flammable properties. So all these cars driving around after the ‘zombie apocalypse’ wouldn’t happen.
I tried to ignore that fact and continue watching but there was that voice in my head muttering ‘It really wouldn’t happen that way, you know?’
Forget the implausible premise about the dead coming back to life and eating everyone else, the petrol factoid destroyed my enjoyment. And I’m sorry to share it. But it was nagging at me.
It was like watching one episode of the Big Bang Theory where Sheldon Cooper informs everyone that Raiders of The Lost Ark didn’t need Indiana Jones.
The Nazis would have opened the Ark of the Covenant and been reduced to dust with Indiana Jones not having to lift a whip, a revolver or a finger.
He could have just followed them and taken it when the Germans had been liquefied, dehydrated and desiccated.
Another of my favourite films destroyed by cold, hard logic. And don’t get me started on Lord of the Rings. apparently three tomes of legendary writing could have been reduced to a pamphlet if the logicians had their way.
Or you could go to the cinema with Dave Parsons: his ‘ Is it me, or does Wolverine look like Alvin Stardust? ruined the whole franchise.
I want to see the latest offering with Hugh Jackman as ‘Logan’. But I know I’ll have Alvin Stardust’s greatest hits going through the back of my mind.
Damn you, x-ray! And double-damn you, Parsons!
Mark Davies is the author of ‘Nothing Important Happened Today’ and the upcoming novel ‘England’s Mean And Unpleasant Land’.